Facing my second biggest fear
Coping Mechanisms
They say humans are born with only two innate fears. The rest of our fears are learned within the first six years of our life. We learn these fears via our own experiences or from the behaviour of others. Your fear of spiders no doubt comes from hearing one of your parents scream when they saw one in the bathroom!
I’m not sure when I first learned to be scared of heights. Maybe it was a TV show or maybe it was mum and dad telling me to get down from a tree because I could ‘seriously’ hurt myself. All I know is that other than cancer heights are the only thing that fill me with absolute stomach churning fear.
I’m not a big fan of falling either. The sensation of falling sends me into a panic I can’t seem to control until it’s over. Which I guess means I’m not controlling it at all.
In this photo I am jumping off the back of a small boat with my camera in my hand. The (warm) water is approximately 2 inches from the platform I’m standing on and judging by the look on my face you’d think I’d just jumped off the edge of a mountain without a rope. This is the look of absolute fear. It’s actually hilarious!:)
Thing #20 on my list is to Skydive. I have wanted to this ever since I watched the beautiful skydiving scene in the legendary film Point Break.
I had always saved this particular thing on my list for New Zealand. New Zealand has the highest skydive in the world (I might as well get my money’s worth) and the most beautiful scenery ever in the shape of the mountainous paradise of the South Island.
The only thing is I’m so scared it’s untrue. I don’t really have dreams anymore but I found that just before I left for New Zealand I started having nightmares about skydiving. When I think about sitting on the edge of the plane and jumping out my heart starts racing and my hands and feet start to sweat. For the past few weeks my itchy head has come back. I haven’t suffered from this since my worst periods with PTSD. I even drew blood the other day scratching it. I am also constantly biting my fingers. Not good.
Well here I am now in a beautiful little place called Cadrona near the skydiving and adrenalin mecca of Queenstown on the South Island.
Now, my reason for telling you this is to discuss my coping mechanisms with this kind of self made fear. I don’t actually have to do this thing on my list. None of you probably even know it is on my list so I could just slip away from NZ without doing it. The thing is I really want to do it because I want to prove to myself that I can.
Apart from breathing deeply and imagining how much I will enjoy it I keep telling myself that this can’t be worse than being told you have cancer. After all I’ve never heard anyone say that they didn’t enjoy a skydive and I can safely say that I’ve never heard anyone say that having cancer was a real hoot! 🙂
Unlike having cancer I really want to do a skydive. I think I’ll love it. So I keep telling myself that it will not be as bad as being told that I’m going to get my insides cut out and then have treatment that will make me feel horrendous for 6 months.
The strange thing about all this is that it’s not the fear of dying that bothers me as I don’t think I will but it’s more the fear of falling. The sensation I’ll feel when I jump out of the plane sends shivers up my spine.
It’s very similar of fear of cancer. It’s not dying that scares me, it’s the suffering that comes with the treatment.
So I’ve decided that I will do this thing on my list or ‘Thing X’ as Ruth and I have started calling it.
I am telling myself that to feel the joy of life after cancer you have to go through the pain that is the operations and the treatment. It’s a similar thing to skydiving. In order to feel the joy I have to jump out of the plane in the first place!
I’ve already faced and beaten my biggest fear twice so taking on my second biggest fear should be a doddle….shouldn’t it?:)
If anyone has any other coping techniques they’d like to share I’d love to hear them as would a lot of other people I can imagine.
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An evening with the Rotary Club
A few weeks ago I was asked by a lovely guy called Bradley Ayres if I would be the guest speaker at the Strathfield Rotary Club’s Pride of Workmanship Awards here in Sydney. Brad had heard me give a speech at the Cancer Council Relay for Life event the week before and came over to say hello afterwards.
Brad told me about his amazing wife Cheryl (below on left) who I met later on that day. Cheryl has survived cancer three times and is just brimming with positivity. Cheryl and brad were a complete joy to be around and my horrendous Movember moustache and I were so honoured to be asked to speak at this event.
I love giving my speeches as it’s great seeing peoples reactions go from sadness as I discuss my experiences with cancer and PTSD to joy as I show them how I came through it.
I must confess I didn’t know much about the Rotary club before I was asked to give a speech but I was promised a free meal so I said yes!:) I have since learnt about the club and what it stands for and I think it is fantastic.
The rotary club is a wonderful organisation which is committed to creating positive change in the world. Rotary has clubs in many communities across the world and offers services to make the local and wider community a better place for the people in it. Anyone can join the Rotary club and from what I saw that night it is packed with wonderful people from all walks of life and of all ages.
The awards ceremony itself exists to ‘acknowledge an employee irrespective of age or vocation, who, in the eyes of his or her employer, fellow worker, or member of the community, displays outstanding qualities in terms of approach, attitude, dedication and commitment to his or her job.
I loved this so much. It was so lovely hearing people praise their colleagues for their hard work in the work.
I also had the privilege of sitting on the same table as a young guy called Vidhushan who I was told does a lot of voluntary and fundraising work – it’s truly amazing. Vidhushan recently befriended me on Facebook and his timeline is packed with photos and posts of him volunteering and doing things for others. This lad is already changing the world. What a great guy and what a wonderful bunch of people.
A huge thank you to the Rotary Club for having me speak at this wonderful event and for their humbling feedback on my presentation. I love what the Rotary club stands for and it seems to do great things for many people. If any of you are looking to get involved more in your local and wider community then these guys seem to be doing lots to help others. For more info on the Rotary club and to find one near you then please see link –
https://www.rotary.org
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Would like a 101 Things to Do When You Survive t-shirt?
Amazingly I’ve been spotted by strangers twice now since I embarked on this wonderful adventure. Once at Iguazu Falls in Argentina and then again in a bar in Washington DC in the states. The best thing about this was that these people didn’t recognise me, they recognised the 101 t-shirt! Love it!
The first photo of what now has become the trademark ‘101 pose’ was taken in the town of Leon in Nicaragua in October last year (photo 2). I wanted a photo taken in front of the cathedral and my friend Gemma suggested I instead turn around and get a photo taken of the back of my T-Shirt.
And that was that! I’ve had photos taken with my back to the camera ever since. It initially started out as way to get the logo in the photo but it has gone on to mean so much more than that.
I now have most of my photos taken like this because I want you guys to imagine that it is you who is seeing and doing all these wonderful things.
I am not going to travel forever but I really want to keep 101 Things To Do When You Survive going when I’ve finished. I think it can help a lot of people in terms of fundraising but most of all in inspiring hope within others. There are lots of amazing people out there and I want to learn all about you.
Yesterday I set up another Facebook page called ‘Friends of 101 Things To Do When You Survive‘. In the new year I will also have a website built to go with this.
This page will consist of a collection of blogs written by you amazing people doing the things that make you happy. These things may be on your ‘bucket list’ or they might just be things that fill your heart with joy. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it makes you feel happy. You don’t have to have had cancer to be part of this. We are all survivors in one way or another. This is about everyone and it is about spreading positivity.
I’d love for you guys to write, film a video and/or post a photo about whatever experience you are doing and send it to me at friendsof101@gmail.com
I will then update the page and the website for you.
To go with this I will soon be selling 101 Things To Do When You Survive T-Shirts that you can wear or hold up for your photos. The idea behind this will be to continue to spread the message of hope but also have a bit of fun. I also think it makes the photo more interesting than the normal face to camera photos.
I would love nothing more than to see all of you achieve your dreams or show me and everyone else just what it is that makes you happy. You can also share your stories in order to inspire others.
I would love to know what you think of this? If there is good feedback then I will let the T-Shirt printing company know that we are interested and get the green light.
In the mean time feel free to like the ‘Friends of 101 Things To Do When You Survive‘ page and we’ll get started on this ‘Hope spreading revolution’. https://www.facebook.com/friendsof101
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Movember – Final update
It’s now been 30 days since I started growing my ‘Mo’ and it was only 4 days ago I decided to give up dreaming of gaining the Tom Sellick look and I’ve officially settled for the Errol Flynn look.
I gave my ‘Mo’ a little trim the other day to try and give the same kind of classy look as this cinematic legend!:) What do you think? Separated at birth?:)
Myself and the team didn’t quite reach our ÂŁ500 goal but I’m sure the money we did raise will go someway to help raise awareness and research for men’s health issues. A huge thank you to everyone who has sponsored us. If you’d like to donate please see link below.
http://moteam.co/101-things-to-do-when-you-survive
Fortunately I have only suffered from one of the three men’s health issues which Moevember raises awareness for. I have managed to avoid prostate and testicular cancer but mental health issues and me still do battle on a daily basis.
I’ve said a lot about my experiences with mental health issues so I won’t keep banging on about it. I’ve attached a couple of links to blogs I have written regarding my own experiences with what I have described ‘as worse than both of cancers put together’. That says an awful lot coming from a guy who has multiple major operations and a ridiculous amount of chemo and radiotherapy.
Those of you who have also experienced mental health issues will also know that this is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Mental health
In the UK alone 6045 people died by suicide in 2011. Over three quarters of these deaths were men.
The basic truth is that men don’t like to talk about their issues. To a man being ‘manly’ means being able to cope with….anything! Admitting vulnerabilities or expressing emotions are not a mans strong point.
However admitting there is a problem is the first step to remedying it!
Types of mental illness
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Bipolar disorder
- Psychosis and Schizophrenia
- Eating disorders
To learn more about these please types of mental health issues please click on this link- http://uk.movember.com/mens-health/mental-health
Things that helped me
Talk to someone
There are loads of help lines and charities that can help. The first thing you should do is talk about it. You’ll be amazed by how many people will be experiencing the same thing.
Here was I thinking I was losing my mind three years ago and since sharing my story it turns out that an awful lot of people were experiencing the same thing.
Exercise and eat well
It makes sense that looking after your physical well being directly effects your mental health. Go out for a walk, run or a swim and then come back and have a homemade fruit and wheatgrass smoothie. I can guarantee this will help give you a well needed lift in your emotional well being.
Get in touch with nature (yes I am hippie!)
Go for a walk or lie down in a park. Hug a tree, go camping, walk barefoot on grass or paddle in the sea or a river. We are not designed to sit behind desks or drive cars. When I did these things it alleviated the side effects of chemotherapy and gave my mind time to relax and be visually stimulated by beautiful natural things. I promise you this does help if even for just a short while.
Have things to look forward to doing
I know not everyone can up and leave like I have done but even having short weekend trips or meeting with friends at the weekend give you something to look forward to. It is looking forward to doing things that I enjoy that helped me more than anything. Just planning this trip helped me get over the first major effect of my anxiety which was insomnia. Once I started to look forward to doing things my fear of the future instead turned into excitement.
Writing
I was never much of a writer before starting this blog but now I write all the time. I absolutely love it. I write mostly for the blog but also just for me. I find writing down my thoughts and feelings helps me reflect on the positive and distance my self from the negative. Try writing for yourself and then when you feel comfortable share it with family or friends. My dad didn’t agree with me leaving my job and going travelling. He never quite understood what I was going through. I wrote a business type plan explaining my reasons for needing to do this trip that helped him realise the true extent of my mental health issues. After he read this he gave me his blessing and finally understood. Sometimes writing things down can not only help explain things more clearly but also help others understand them better.
Remind yourself of all you have in this moment
Someone asked me recently if I ever thought of suicide. I have never thought of killing myself but I do remember wondering if there was any point to living anymore. If life was going to be like this then what was the point. I would then realise that in this moment all is well. What happens in the future happens but right now I don’t have cancer and I’m doing ok. This realisation would and still has to be reiterated three or four times a day but nonetheless it brings me back round to knowing that in this moment I am well and I have everything I need.
Whatever issues you are experiencing please know that there is help and you are not alone. Most of all please remember that there is a way through these dark times.
To seek support in whatever country you are in please type in ‘Mental Health support’ in your internet search engine.
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My blogs on mental health
Teenage cancer
Last week I had the pleasure of giving a talk to the amazing people at a teenage cancer charity called CanTeen.
After I gave my presentation I was told I was ‘so CanTeen’ meaning that my story encapsulated everything that CanTeen stands for. These guys are amazing in that they support young people aged between 12-24 with the physical, emotional and practical impact of having cancer whether it be themselves who are fighting it or a family member or friend. CanTeen also offers support for those that have lost a loved one from the affects of cancer.
Although I didn’t have cancer in my teens I can imagine how hard it must be for a young adult to cope with its effects. When I was ill as a 7 year old I still had to go to school occasionally. Not only was this tiring but it was also very isolating because I was the only one going through it. I was also the only bald kid in school!
I also felt this isolation as an adult but more because of the psychological issues I was going through. My brother messaged me the other day to say how sorry he was that he didn’t really understand what I was going through psychologically. I don’t think anybody did. I think it’s only through my blogs that people now understand.
CanTeen also provide onLine support for young people affected cancer. In a digital age this is something that is absolutely necessary. Support in every form is how we can help and let others know that they are not alone.
Online support
This groundbreaking new website has been launched to provide much needed support to young people (aged 12-24) affected by cancer, whether they’re dealing with their own or an immediate family member’s cancer (or death from cancer).
In a world first, young people visiting the CanTeen Online Support Platform have 7-day access to professional CanTeen counsellors and 24/7 access to youth-specific information and an online community where they can connect with others their age in similar situations and share their cancer experiences through blogs, forums and real life stories.
Cancer turns young people’s lives upside down and often leaves them feeling scared, confused and alone. CanTeen developed the Online Support Platform so that young people anywhere in Australia can get the level of help and support they want whenever they need it.
If you know a 12-24 year-old dealing with cancer, please send them the website link https://nowwhat.org.au/
or encourage them to watch this short video. http://youtu.be/7_WoNKEd7o4
A huge thank you to CanTeen for having me and it was an absolute honour to meet you all. I absolutely love our 101 pose photo! You guys rock! Keep up the great work. The world needs charities like this.
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Childhood cancer
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had the immense pleasure of spending time with the wonderful people from The Kids Cancer Project (TKCP) here in Sydney.
I gave a talk to the gang at TKCP and told them all about what I’ve been up to. It was great meeting them and I learned so much. I also made some great new friends in Robert and Stuart who I know I will be keeping in touch with for the rest of my life.
On Tuesday Robert and I went to the Westmead Children’s hospital to visit the oncology ward. We were met and shown around by an incredibly lovely girl called Aimee who is the hospital Oncology Fundraising Administrator.
We were shown around the treatment rooms and the wonderful facilities that they have their for kids going through treatment. The bubble light machine was our favourite! When the kids first come into hospital they get to choose a beautiful quilt to keep for life. I love this idea as I also had a special blanket which I still have to this day.
The Kids Cancer Project also sell teddy bears where all the proceeds go to funding medical research into childhood cancers. You can also donate a bear to a child in hospital. The bear goes to a sick child and the money to research. AMAZING! TKCP give out bears to 50 Australian children’s hospitals. Myself, Aimee and Robert spent the morning giving out bears to the kids at hospital.
It was such an amazing morning watching the kids eyes light up when we gave them a bear. I also went round and had a little chat with the kids and their parents telling them that I was also very ill once but now I’m big and strong (turkey legs!:) and travelling the world. I also showed the kids a photo of me when I had no hair and I asked them what hairstyle they were going to have when it grew back. A little boy called Kylo who was 7 looked up at my hair and said “spikey”. An excellent choice Kylo!:) x
Pictured is me and a little boy called Nicklaus who was showing me his cool ‘Mercedes Benz’ style scar. So much cooler than any of mine!:)
This hospital was fantastic and the The kids Cancer Project give $1 million a year to fund the specialist research lab into children’s cancer. Stuart and his lovely sister Jane hold a fundraiser every year and raise a whopping $80,000 for the TKCP. Jane is also a cancer survivor and they both wanted to do some good for a charity they believed in so got involved with TKCP.
The types of cancer in children are different to that of adults. Childhood cancer can very rarely be prevented so the only way to improve outcomes for children is through medical research. I was 7 when I was first diagnosed and that was just a cell that went bad. I don’t think it had anything to do with nutrition or stress back then. I was just unlucky.
Quality of life
The TKCP not only fund vital research into the cure of cancers but also into research into treatment that improves the quality of life in survivors. It is well know that the life long side effects are far more devastating in children than they are in adults. I’m probably the perfect example of that in that I’ve had DVT and bowel cancer as a result of the amount of radiotherapy I had as a child….which was a lot!
Researchers are now coming up with new treatments which will hopefully lead to radiotherapy being a thing of the past.
With an organisation like the Kids Cancer Project around the future is looking very bright for children’s cancer.
If you would like to learn more about The Kids Cancer Project then please see the link below.
http://www.thekidscancerproject.org.au/Home.aspx
If you would like to buy a bear for yourself or donate a bear to a sick child then please see link below. All money goes to funding research for children’s cancer and the bears will be dished out in time for Christmas:-
http://www.thekidscancerproject.org.au/Products/Bears-for-Purchase.aspx
An amazing organisation which is filled with wonderful people who are doing incredible things. I’m so honoured to be associated with The Kids Cancer Project.
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If you have a free minute please also sign this petition and help childhood cancer research become a national priority. It is imperative that more research it devoted to childhood cancer:
https://www.change.org/p/the-australian-senate-to-make-pediatric-cancer-research-a-national-priority-and-require-the-development-of-a-national-plan-for-the-advancement-of-childhood-cancer-research?share_id=NhcWBhEeIc&utm_campaign=autopublish&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition
Doctors and patient care
Last Friday I gave a talk to a group of GP Registrars here in Broome. It was my friend Katherine’s idea. She is a doctor and thought it would be useful for the doctors to hear about my experiences with PTSD.
I have had good doctors and less good doctors throughout my life. I think doctors have a very tough job and it must be difficult to see so many patients and know exactly what care they need.
During my treatment I felt like I was in the best possible hands. I actually had private medical insurance at the time but I didn’t use it. The care I received from the NHS was beyond amazing so I chose to just stay with them.
It was afterwards when I began to really struggle with my thoughts. I have numerous doctors for my ‘conditions’. I have my GP, my haematology doctor, my vascular surgeon, my oncologist and my specialist nurses.
As I explained in my Mental Health Day post, it was my post cancer experience which was the most difficult. I felt very alone and felt like I was on a roller coaster without the safety belts.
I need more than just my blood test results, more than just cream for my eczema and more than a ‘your results look fine Greig, see you in 6 months’.
I explained in my talk on Friday that my favourite and best Doctors are the ones who have checked and know what my results are before I walk into the room, the ones who ask me how I am doing, that ones that face me when talking to me and ones who aren’t afraid to be themselves.
I’ll never forget when I told my oncology professor about my proposed trip. He took his glasses off, turned towards me and said “I think that’s a marvellous idea Greig”. He then went on to tell me about his travelling experiences as a young man. It immediately made me feel more confident about my trip because he said it was a good idea. That’s the kind of effect doctors can have on a persons mental well being.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, everyone needs reassurance. Doctors should realise that they are a bit like an adopted parent when people are ill. We listen to what they have to say and in a way, hang on their every word. They should also know that there is still one hell of a battle going on even after cancer or any other type of illness and having the ability to empathise, reassure and offer suggestions of treatment which is not medical can go a very long way to keeping that patient fit and healthy in both body and mind.
Here’s a little something that a friend shared with me and I think it sums up what I am talking about perfectly in a fun way.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25112785
A huge thank you to the GP Registrars of Broome for their warm welcome and a massive thank you to Katherine for suggesting that I give this talk.
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World Mental Health Day
Mental Health – ‘a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being’.
Today is World Mental Health Day. I started off this day the same way I start off every other day. I woke up and I spent the first few minutes of the day reassuring myself that I don’t have cancer anymore.
Every morning I wake up and my first thought is about cancer. I wonder why I feel tired when I wake up. Tiredness was the main symptom before being diagnosed with bowel cancer so now I associate tiredness with cancer. This morning I felt tired and achey. I tell myself that I exercised yesterday that’s why I feel tired. I also woke up in the middle of the night which always disrupts my sleep pattern.
This is how I not only spend my mornings but also a good few times throughout the day.
I’ve gotten used to doing this now ever since suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when my treatment finished in 2011. When I was having treatment I always felt like I was actively fighting cancer. When that treatment was finished I felt lost and suddenly the thought of getting cancer again was all down to me. The safety ropes had been lifted.
I thought about cancer every moment of every day. I had insomnia, I developed eczema on my face and upper body and the moments I did get some sleep were usually disrupted by night sweats where I would wake up soaking wet. I couldn’t concentrate and I was highly emotional. I was like a glass which was full to the brim, one little drop seemed to send me over the edge where I felt like couldn’t cope with the situation. I worried about everything from where I parked my car to the fact the dishes needed doing. I lost my self confidence and didn’t want to leave the house.
For what seemed like an eternity I felt scared and the fear of cancer consumed me. I thought I was losing my mind but it turns out that this was a common emotional reaction amongst those who had experienced cancer or any type of traumatic experience. A fact I now know but didn’t know when I was going through it.
The fear of cancer returning and the belief that my future would be riddled with pain and suffering was worse than both my cancers put together. This fear took away my smile, my optimism, my love of life and my relationship.
With hard work and determination I can now control that fear. The fear now only lasts for a few minutes at a time while I control my thoughts and convince myself to the fact that in this moment I am fine. The future hasn’t happened yet and the past has been and gone.
It is believed that 1 in 4 people will experience mental health problems in their lifetime. That means that it is more than likely that someone you know is struggling with a mental health disorder. It may be anxiety, depression or this year’s World Mental Health day awareness disorder of schizophrenia.
In today’s modern world we are bombarded with images of ‘perfect’ people via magazines, ‘perfect lives’ via social media, crazy working hours, relationship and abuse issues, drink and drugs, financial and illness stresses and scary and sad stories in the news. For some people this is too much to handle and it is so easy for it get on top of us and slowly consume our thoughts. Others like schizophrenia can be caused by changes in brain chemicals.
The only advice I can offer from a personal viewpoint is don’t be frightened to talk about it. I promise you that you are not alone. There are lots of people you can speak to and there are lots of therapies out there that can be very helpful from cognitive behavioural therapy to neural linguistic programming and counselling.
My best therapy was having things to look forward to doing in the future. My experience with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the reason I decided to share my story. When I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD I wondered how many more people are out there going through this but not knowing that it is a perfectly normal reaction to have after a traumatic experience.
The main thing to remember is that there is hope and lots of lots of help to get you through this. X
For further advice on Mental Health problems, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and anxiety please see links below:-
MENTAL HEALTH A-Z – http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/a-z-mental-health/
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER – http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/
WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY – http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/world-mental-health-day/world-mental-health-day-2014/
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Sam’s journey
Some of you may remember me asking if you would light a candle for this little boy a few weeks ago. Sam had been suffering with Stage 3 Fibrosarcoma (a cancerous lump on his face).
Sam lost his battle to this awful disease yesterday. He was the same age as I was when I was diagnosed as a child.
It is so sad that Sam has been taken from this world and his loving family. It is also another reminder of how precious this life is and that no second should be wasted.
Perhaps after reading this take a moment to think of Sam and his family and look around and be grateful for all that we have. Give your loved ones a big hug, a phone call or a visit and let them know that you love them. It is heartbreaking to know that Sam’s family won’t be able to do this with Sam anymore.
Hearing news like this reinforces my drive to enjoy every moment that I have in this world and to be grateful for all that I have. Even after two bouts of cancer I still get distracted away from what is important in life and the loss of wonderful human beings like Sam bring a me right back to where I should be….grateful.
Rest in peace Sam.
Our love and thoughts are with you and your family
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Cancer, all you’ve done is make me stronger!
It was 4 years ago today I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I knew what was coming as my brother, cousin and I sat in the waiting room waiting to see the doctor. I had seen the tumour a week previously during my colonoscopy. The doctor said it could be an ulcer or a tumour but later conceded that she knew it was a tumour.
We waited for an hour and half over my appointment time. My brother was complaining to us about how he couldn’t understand why the doctors couldn’t keep to their allotted appointment times. He’s quite a time efficient guy so a time delay like this completely baffled him.
We went in and I was told about the type of bowel cancer I had. The chances of survival were good but the probability was that I’d need a colostomy bag for life and it may have spread. I only heard all the bad stuff though and started crying and almost fainted. I totally crumbled. My brother asked the doctor what seemed like a million questions and the doctor was wonderful answering each one in full detail. We were in there for absolutely ages and when we came out my brother realised why doctors can’t keep to their allotted appointment times. Not everyone who goes into those rooms is going to get good news.
It’s now been 4 years on from that day and my goodness how life has changed. I’ve overcome cancer, I’m battling and winning my fight with PTSD and I’ve travelled around one side of the globe.
I’ve learned so much over the past 4 years there is no way I could put it all down in one blog post. Im so glad I wrote a blog now as I can go back and see how and why I’ve now become the person I am today. It’s a strange thing to state what kind of person you are but what I do know is that I’m a pretty good guy who is extremely grateful to be here.
I’ve been thinking for a while now about which of my many photographs is my favourite one. I’ve now looked at them over and over in the past week or so and this the one that I look at more than any other.
This photograph was taken at the Quilatoa Crater in Ecuador by my wonderful friend Kiki. I want to say this is my favourite photograph because of the amazing scenery and the beautiful colours but that wouldn’t be the truth. The reason I love this photograph is because of the guy in the photo. That guy in the photograph doesn’t look like he’s had cancer twice, he doesn’t look like he’s got one kidney, a blood clot and some bowel missing and he certainly doesn’t look like any type of ‘victim’. He looks strong, fit, healthy and for a moment you could even believe that he made that crater himself.
I rarely look at photographs of myself and say all those things. I often criticise myself for being too skinny or looking tired and weak. I look at this photograph and I actually want to be that guy. I then realise that the guy in the photograph is me. He’s all the things I’ve ever wanted to be. An adventurer, an optimist and a warrior.
Best of all though that guy in the photograph is one extremely grateful human being and unlike 4 years ago, today is a good day, and it’s the present moment I want to think about and appreciate more than any other.
Thank you to the wonderful NHS nurses, doctors and surgeons at University College Hospital in London for helping stay on this earth and for playing a huge part in helping me be that guy in the photograph.
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“Life is a storm. You can bask in the sunlight one moment and be shattered against the rocks the next but what makes you the person you are is what you do when that storm comes”
The Count of Monte cristo