Post Tramatic Stress Disorder
Shine Cancer Support podcast
I’ve made no secret of my experience with my mental health issues after cancer. This is a topic that is now coming to the forefront of cancer treatment and after care. My main reason for sharing my story was to raise awareness about the psychological effects of cancer. It was these mental health issues that led me to change my life and embark on this trip around the world. At the time I felt it was my only hope. I don’t really feel like that anymore but that story is for another time.
I recently recorded a podcast for the wonderful people at Shine Cancer Support in the UK. I’ve had the pleasure of being closely involved with them for the past year or so.
This podcast was part of a show called ‘NOT YOUR GRANDMAS CANCER SHOW hosted by the wonderful Tatum De Roeck.
In this show myself and two other amazing people discuss PTSD and anxiety and how we have coped with it.
It’s well worth a listen.
http://www.shinecancersupport.co.uk/…/NYGCS%2022042015%20Fu…
If you are short on time then you can listen to my podcast here but I would definitely recommend listening to both Richard and Natalie’s stories as well. They both amazing people.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/9nt…/ptsd%20-%20greig%20trout.m4a…
For those of you who are short on data like me, you can also read the blog post I wrote here :-
https://shinecancersupport.wordpress.com/…/life-but-not-as…/
I hoe this goes some way to helping those of you who struggle like I did. I don’t have all the answers and something tells me that when I get home I’ll have to keep working hard to keep this anxiety in check but as I say in the podcast; “You are not alone and there is hope”.
X
Bowel cancer
Yep, that big white thing in the photo is my bum and just a few short years ago there was a big fat tumour up there.
April is Bowel Cancer Awareness month so I thought I’d talk about my experience with Bowel Cancer to help raise a little awareness about this awful disease.
There seems to be a stigma attached to talking about our bodily functions which is pretty ridiculous especially considering we all have bums and we all have to poo!
Bowel cancer rates in people aged between 20-30 years old are set to rise by 90% in the next 15 years with junk food and inactiveness beloved to be the main cause. This is a very scary statistic!
The good news is that Bowel Cancer survival rates are also increasing! With early diagnosis Bowel Cancer is one of the more curable forms of cancer.
Sadly, many just don’t like talking about their toilet habits or simply don’t know the symptoms to realise that something is wrong.
I was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the age of 30. My only symptom was extreme tiredness. I couldn’t even walk up the stairs without feeling tired. Someone told me it was because I was 30 and that’s just how you feel. That was total nonsense. Blood tests showed that I had an iron deficiency which led my doctor to order a colonoscopy which discovered a 10cm tumour in my transverse colon. There were no other symptoms. I just knew something wasn’t right.
An operation and some chemo later and I am still here to tell the tale.
Symptoms of bowel cancer
- blood in your poo
- blood in your back passage
- tiredness
- feeling bloated
- iron deficiency
- change in bowel habits – diarrhoea or looser than normal stools and constipation
- pain in abdomen or bum
- weight loss
- sickness
If you have any of these symptoms then see a doctor. If you are over 50 then see your doctor for a routine stool test. These guys have seen it all so don’t even worry about it. The only difference between a doctor and your pals is that they use the word stool instead of poo.
Don’t feel embarrassed about something that everyone does and probably most people have problems with.
Early diagnosis can help save your life and this is no longer an older persons disease so listen to your body and if you think something’s not right then see a medical professional without hesitation. It may just save your life!
X
Follow-up 3rd April 2015
I just wanted you say a huge thank you to everyone for your support with my slightly ‘cheeky’ but informative post about Bowel Cancer. I wanted to grab people’s attention so hopefully they would read a bit more about something that isn’t spoken about enough. My bare ‘bowel cancer surviving’ ass seemed like the best way to achieve that. I hope that by reading, liking, commenting or sharing it you have helped inspired someone to get checked out and possibly helped save a life.
Great work gang and I hope the topic of bum problems and early diagnosis is one that you will continue to talk about long after Bowel Cancer Awareness Month is over.
Wishing you all health and happiness over this Easter period and forever more.
X
Oh and thank you so much for the lovely compliments on my extremely white bum. That was the first time I’d ever seen it from that angle. Thank goodness for low lighting!:)
My sincerest apologies to the guy running in the background. I didn’t notice him at the time but I’m really hoping he had poor eyesight. Have a great Easter everyone.
Writing
During my darkest time with post traumatic stress disorder I tried various forms of therapy to try and sort myself out. I tried cognitive behavioural therapy, neurolinguistic programming, hypnotherapy, healing and general cancer counselling. I tried it all.
The one thing a lot of these therapies had in common was that I was given ‘homework’ to do at home to help train my mind to change its thought pattern. This homework was often written work. Mostly writing my feelings and thoughts down. The thing was I never did it as at the time I couldn’t understand how writing all these things down would help me figure what was going on in my head.
I never planned to write a blog when i started 101 Things. I was just going to post pictures and the odd video here and there.
I think the first time I ever actually wrote down my actual feelings on Facebook was when I was in Colombia. I was feeling pretty down at the time and a little girl came over to me in a cafe, told me she liked my blue eyes and painted me a picture and then drew me another picture which she said i could colour in myself later on. It was the sweetest thing and made my day so I decided to write it down. I found that also writing down why I was feeling sad helped me a lot as well. I later posted it on Facebook.
I then started writing down things that affected me during my travels and then I found myself wanting to write when I was feeling sad or worried. It really seemed to help me when I put things down on paper (screen:).
In person I am not a good story teller and I find it hard to convey my true feelings. I could never sit at a table and tell a group of people stories of my adventures. My motivational talks work quite well but they are structured and because of the fact that I’ve been invited to speak I usually figure that people want to hear what I’ve been up to. I therefore find it easy to chat about my trip and experiences with cancer.
When at home a few months ago, people who don’t read my blog would ask me how my trip was and I’d reply with “really good thanks” and that would be it. After all how I could I possibly convey the things I’ve seen and learnt in just a couple of sentences.
I’ve said things in this blog that I have never told anyone before in my life. I’m not sure I would know how to say it verbally. Writing has not only given me a voice but it also helps me reflect on my experiences. Writing down my thoughts helps give me clarity and make sense of the way I’m feeling and of what I’m thinking.
I often write when I’m feeling sad or worried as it seems to distance my negative thoughts from me when I write them down. When I read them back it’s almost as if I’m reading someone’s else’s feelings and I then know exactly what to say to them. I’m sure you’d agree it’s always easier giving advice to others rather than yourself.
If you are going through a tough time at the moment no matter what it is, try writing your thoughts down. I promise you it helps. I usually just note things down in the notes section of my phone. I wish I could go back to my therapy sessions and have actually tried the writing exercises they gave me. I’m pretty sure it would have helped me sort myself out a bit sooner.
Happy writing gang
X
Rehabilitation after cancer
I’m not sure if any of you have noticed but I’ve got quite an oddly shaped body. With the loss of my kidney at 8 years old I became a little bit lop sided.
Being the amazing body it is the left kidney grew in size to compensate for the loss of the right so I’m a bit chunkier on my left. My rib cage is also a bit skew whiff and the left side sticks out way more than the right. Added to this I also have a curved spine.
After a period of time being unable to walk properly after developing DVT at 21, I lost all confidence in my left leg and as a result I now walk with a slight limp.
My core (abdomen) has taken a bit of a beating from the operation I had to remove a section of my bowel. This led to a loss of confidence in my core strength and as a result I’m now pretty weak where once I was strong.
It is only after meeting a wonderful woman called Lou James have I now realised that perhaps there should have been more support for me during this time which would have helped with the long term physical and emotional effects of my cancer treatment. I met up with Lou in Auckland yesterday after one of the 101 gang, Hilary, told me about what Lou is doing and I just loved it.
Lou is the founder of the PINC and STEEL rehabilitation trust. She is an experienced physiotherapist and established the PINC programme after seeing the physical and mental toll that cancer had on the lives of women. In 2011 she introduced the male equivalent called the STEEL Program.
Lou’s programmes have helped thousands of people at every stage of their cancer treatment so they can minimise the side effects of treatment and help them have the best quality of life they can.
Talking to Lou I was instantly captivated by her passion and belief in these programs. We all know that exercise is good for both body and mind but Lou also explained to me the importance of informing patients of the reasons why they get pain where they do and showing them what exercises they can do to help alleviate it and make that area stronger.
The benefits of physiotherapy and certain exercises were something that have never really been mentioned to me during past illnesses which now seems ridiculous considering what my body went through. I think I would be a much stronger and more physically confident person if they had.
With cancer patients not really being eligible for free access to rehabilitation services Lou has set up a trust which raises money to help patients pay for this vital treatment.
PINC AND STEEL now operate in New Zealand, UK, Australia and South Africa.
You can find out more information at the website – http://www.pincandsteel.com/
To follow the PINC and STEEL Facebook page here – https://www.facebook.com/TeamPINC?ref=br_tf
This is well worth a look gang and if you have any similar issues to the ones I do then please try and see an expert like the specialists at PINC and Steel.
I have realised after chatting to Lou that there is a lot my body could benefit and improve upon by seeing an expert. When I get home I’m going to do just that
Keep up the amazing work Lou and all at PINC and STEEL.
X
Vix update
A wee update on my wonderful friend Vix for you.
A few days ago Vix parted ways with her iconic blonde ringlets in preparation for the likely loss of her hair from her chemo which started on Tuesday.
I think you’ll agree she looks even more amazing now due to the fact that you can see more of her beautiful face. I’m also loving the straight hair wig which seems to have brought out a set of supermodel esque cheekbones! Hot stuff Vix.
When I lost my hair I simply looked like I had an alien head!:) not a sexy cheekbone in sight!
I know how much Vix was dreading losing her beautiful hair but in true Vix style she has done it with a smile and in full knowledge that all this horrific treatment is for the greater good.
Vix once said to me “but everyone knows me for my hair”. Which is simply ridiculous as once you meet Vix you will quickly realise that there is a lot more to her than her hair. Constant hilarious chat being one of them! She’s now loving her new temporary hair style which is great as it will make it super easy to get used to when it grows back.
Sadly, as in all battles, it’s not just bad cells that take a fall but also the good ones and unfortunately hair is one of the good ones. The good thing about this though is that the good ones will bounce back whilst the bad ones will fester and become so scared of mighty Vix that they will cease to exist. Boom! Vix wins, cancer loses.
We are all thinking of you Vix and are thoughts awith all the other amazing people out there who are also fighting this awful disease.
Vix now has a wonderful blog to go with her Facebook page which you can find here :- http://www.fellowshipoftheringlets.com/?m=1
And on Facebook at https://m.facebook.com/groups/742411789184049?tsid=0.6124652184080333&source=typeahead
Just remember, hair or no hair, two boobs or none, you are still beautiful, you are still a woman and you are still the person we all fell in love with.
X
Help change a life
Some of you will remember me talking about a wonderful charity called ’52 Lives’ over the past year. My good friend Jaime (second photo) who has been an amazing source of support to me during my travels started this initiative a little over a year ago.
Jaime’s aim was to help change a different persons life for the better every single week of the year by simply asking if anyone could help on Facebook.
She got the idea when reading a classified add where a woman was asking if anyone had a spare rug she could have for her broken floor so her children wouldn’t cut their feet. Jaime thought that if people only knew about her then they would love to help. At 5am the next morning she started a facebook page called ’52 Lives’.
So far she has helped make over 52 people’s life better because of the simple fact that ‘people are good’.
Each week she puts out a request on Facebook to her ’52 Lives’ gang and each week they help make someone’s life better.
Jaime has told me that two members of our 101 Gang have been influential in helping 52 Lives since first seeing it on the 101 Things page.
They have helped in so many ways, it would take too long to list everything they have done, but here is a little glimpse…They helped to buy a car for a single mum and her son, who both have cancer and had no way of getting to the hospital. They have sent twin boys with a rare disease on a holiday to swim with dolphins. They have bought a computer for a young mum trying to gain qualifications. They have helped buy dentures for a young man with no teeth. They have helped to build a sensory shed for a toddler who was about to lose her eyesight. They have given a brand new bed to a lady with disabilities, who has a spring poking through her mattress. And they have sent messages of support to a young boy who was being bullied because of his scars. Absolutely amazing!
Because of 52 Lives I was put in touch with the families of two very sick Australian children called Claire and Tommy who sadly passed away last year. Claire was the very first life that ’52 Lives’ helped.
I was asked to support Tommy’s older sister, Caitlin who was shaving her head for the Leukaemia foundation in Australia. We did this on the same day when I was in Chile and Caitlin was in Australia and raised $1000s of dollars for charity.
I had the immense honour of spending time with these amazing families when I was in Australia.
Each week I will be sharing the requests of 52 Lives on the 101 Things To Do When You Survive page. We would love it if you could help or maybe you know someone who can. With a larger community to ask we hope that 52 Lives can help even more people.
This weeks request has already been achieved which was to help send 18 kindergarten kids on a field trip. Some of these kids arrive at school having slept in homeless shelters, some arrive hungry, some without adequate clothing. They needed US$240 to send them on a field trip. The total currently stands at over $1500. Incredible!
Please Follow 52 Lives directly on Facebook:- https://www.facebook.com/52lives
Feel free to share the page of 52 Lives on your own facebook. You never know who could help!
Well done Jaime and all the 52 lives community. You are all wonderful. Keep up the amazing work.
X
Learn to play the Piano
This amazing guy has inspired me to add ‘Learn to play the Piano’ to my list.
He played by the harbour side in Queenstown and with the most spectacular view in front of him he stopped everyone in their tracks with his beautiful piano playing.
I stood watching and listening in absolute awe and thought…’I would love to be able to do that’. I wish I had said hello and but I’ll definitely send him an email to thank him.
Chopsticks and Thing #74 here I come!
X
Mathius composes all his own music. You can find out more about him here:- https://www.facebook.com/MathiasPianoMan
World Cancer Day
Look who just dropped in on World Cancer day!
My wonderful friend Vicki flew over from Sydney today to spend a few days hanging out with me on what by sheer coincidence has turned out to be World Cancer Day.
What are the chances that we chose this day to meet up. Vicki who has just had a lumpectomy and is soon to start chemo in her fight against breast cancer and me who has now whipped cancers ass on two occasions. It seems we were not only destined to meet in Sydney but also destined to meet again on World cancer day.
Vicki’s operation was a success but she has now lost feeling and movement in her right arm. The nerves were damaged in the operation and the docs have said that it might be another few months until she regains any movement. She called her cancerous lump ‘Lumpy’ and her right arm is now known as ‘Limpy’. Despite having to get used to only having the use of one arm and 6 months of chemo on the horizon Vix is in remarkably good form and has been making me chuckle all day long.
We spent this afternoon chatting about all things cancer, our fears, our hopes and how this horrible disease seems to bring out the best in people. Vicki has been overwhelmed by the support on her blog – The Fellowship of the Ringlets which I must say is both inspiring and hilarious.
There are lots of scary headlines in the news about cancer. I’m not going to go into them all but the main one is that 1 in 2 people are now believed to get cancer in their lifetime. 1 in 2!!!!!!! This makes me feel rather sick.
Vicki and I were talking about why certain people get cancer and others don’t. We discussed nutrition, stress and age but we just don’t know. I am of course all for better treatments for cancer as they are the reason I am still here today but I would rather not see people getting cancer at all.
There needs to be more done on the prevention of cancer. Why are we getting it and what can we do to help prevent it. More education is needed on diet, nutrition, exercise and stress management. If this doesn’t happen then the next headline might just be ‘everyone will get cancer in their lifetime’. Like everyone else on the planet I don’t want that to happen!
There are so many great charity’s out there doing wonderful things from research to support. All need our help but the charity I want to promote today is the Anthony Nolan trust.
For no money at all you can donate your stem cells which could go on to save someone’s life.
Please register at the Anthony Nolan website and YOU could save someone’s life! How amazing is that.
http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/donate-your-stem-cells/apply-join-our-register
My love and well wishes to my friends Vicki, Victoria, to everyone who has fought or is fighting cancer and to anyone supporting someone with cancer. We Will beat this. Keep fighting and keep hope in your hearts.
X
My amazing friend Vix
Just before I arrived in Sydney I was invited to use the apartment of a girl called Vicki whilst she went back home to the UK to visit her mum for a couple of weeks. I had never met Vicki before. We had a mutual friend and she knew my big brother but she only knew me from my blog. Vicki lost her dad to cancer 12 years ago so could relate to my experiences.
When I arrived in Sydney Vicki came to meet at the airport and after dropping my stuff off at her apartment we headed down to the Opera Bar at the harbour side. Apart from already knowing that she was a very generous person it was this evening sitting by the beautiful Opera house that I realised what a truly amazing girl she is.
As the sun went down we asked someone to take some photos of us on my first night in Sydney. This photo was taken just as the sun was at its most beautiful. Unfortunately a big cruise ship came and blocked the view of the bridge as it reversed out of the harbour.
I turned to Vix and said “it’s a shame that huge boat is ruining our sunset”. What she said afterwards I will never forget.
Vicki replied “but just think how wonderful that sunset is for all those people on that ship. Some of them have probably been saving for years to do this trip and now they are being rewarded with the most beautiful sunset as they leave Sydney. For some this will be the highlight of their entire year”.
And with that I loved that big ship and that moment. Vicki taught me another way of seeing things and how wonderful it is to think of others enjoying themselves.
Vicki and I went onto to become wonderful friends. When she returned from the UK I stuck around for a bit longer and we had the best time. She even organised a surprise birthday party for me, cooked birthday cakes with my photos on them and best of all she made me laugh every single day.
Sadly, a few days ago Vicki was told she had breast cancer. She went for a standard smear test and the doctor asked if she’d had her breast examined lately and then conducted an examination and found a lump.
We’ve been talking about how how crazy it is that I came into her life literally just before this happened. We talked a lot about cancer when I was there. When she told me I just couldn’t believe it and I didn’t what to to say. I instantly realised how my friends felt when I first told them.
I then went away and thought about the things people said to me when I was ill and realised that It was my big brother that I remember the most. He never got upset, he never even entertained the idea that I might not survive and he didn’t give me any ‘poor you’ comments. He simply said “you will beat this” and when I worried about it coming back for a third time he replied with “then you’ll beat it again you moose”.
Ha! It wasn’t sympathy I needed it was strength and he gave me that every single day.
Vicki reads every post I write and every comment you wonderful people write as well. She often says how how lucky I am to have such wonderful people following my adventure. I know I speak for everyone at 101 Things To Do When You Survive when I say …you’ve got this nailed Vix and we are all right behind you. You are amazing and will demolish this horrible thing. The time you spent with me was just training in coping with something really annoying! You eventually got rid of me and the same will be true of cancer. The good thing is though that unlike me it won’t keep texting you afterwards!:)
Now hurry up and beat this thing so you can start your ‘102 Things’ blog and show me how to write properly (she’s always correcting my grammar!:).
Sending you all our love and healing wishes.
Xxxx
How to conduct a self examination
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/types/self_exam/bse_steps
Starting 2015 off with a… Jump!
Well, the time has come! I have now booked my skydive and at 3pm on the 1st of January 2015 I will be jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft at 15,000ft! Aaahhhhhh! I still can’t believe I’m actually going to do this. It’s safe to say I am good combination of excited and absolutely petrified.
I have to say that the past month has made me realise that I really need to work on the way I cope with stress. Although travelling is not easy if haven’t really felt stressed since I started this adventure.
Last night was the first worry filled night I’ve had for a long time. My head is sore from itching it and I have the churning feeling in my stomach which seems to have also affected my mood and my energy levels. Apart from eczema, night sweating and feeling super emotional all the symptoms are there from my worst times with PTSD.
Although that may sound like I’m not coping very well I feel I am to a certain extent. For every moment I feel scared I remember how grateful I am to still be here and to have the opportunity to do this wonderful thing. I only wish I could control my fear up until the actual moment I do it and not a month in advance.
Yesterday I met with the business development manager of a skydiving company called Nzone. Nzone were the first company in the world to start tandem skydiving. I wrote to them to see if there was any chance they could perhaps give me a discount on my skydive. I received an email back from a guy called Derek who started off saying they get many requests like mine and are not always able to help everyone. He then went on to say that he really identified with my story and would like to meet to discuss.
I first thought this meeting would only be about what publicity the company would want me to do for them in return for a discount. Something I of course have no problem with. However, the meeting was so much more than that and it was only at the end Derek mentioned me writing about my story for the NewZealand.com website.
Derek identified with my story on a very personal level. He had lost his mum to cancer and has also had his fair share of anxiety related issues. After living in numerous cities around the world living a very stressful but financially successful life he gave it all up to live in the beautiful countryside of New Zealand where he could be in amongst nature and find peace. I think we must have chatted about pretty much everything.
It was so great to meet him. Here we were two guys, one from South Africa and one from the UK chatting over a coffee surrounded by the beautiful mountains of New Zealand. Both having shared similar experiences in life and both having gone out there and changed their life so they could feel happy again.
I think what Derek liked most about my story is that I had done something about my situation just like he did. Derek and Nzone then gave me my skydive for free.
I told him about my fear of heights and how scared I was and he replied “good”. It is about overcoming that fear and doing it anyway. That is what skydiving is about. He then gave me his business card with the most wonderful poem by the author Frank Herbert about fear.
I read this and then realised how true it is. Fear is the killer. The reason I chose to go on this trip was to feel happy again as I was so tired of being scared all the time. I saw what the fear of cancer did to my mind and body and how I then affected the people around me.
I know this situation is very different but the fear is exactly the same. I am going to do this and just before I jump I’m going to think back to September 10th 2010 when my worst fear came true and I was diagnosed with cancer again. Back then I would have given anything to believe that I would reach the year 2015 let alone start it with a skydive over my dream country of New Zealand.
I now say goodbye to the year 2014 which has turned out to be my most favourite and successful year ever. My success wasn’t measured by how much money I earned, (which was none) or what possessions I attained (hiking boots and a new camera) but has been measured by the amount of times I have felt happy, grateful and proud. Looking back it appears that I felt all of these things simultaneously on quite a few occasions.
Wishing you a very happy and healthy new year gang and I hope 2015 is your most successful year ever. Thank you so much for sharing this past year with me. You will never know just how much it has meant to me.
I’ll see you all when I land!:)
X
Oh..and here is the scene from the film Point Break that inspired me to do this. http://youtu.be/MoA17WOEtTU